It’s a Cynical World After All

Welcome to It’s a Cynical World After All. This blog will examine the world with a cynical, if not outright jaundiced, eye. Think George Carlin meets Jonathan Swift (writer of “A Modest Proposal: For Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to their Parents or Country, and for Making them Beneficial to the Public,” a satire written by Jonathan Swift in 1729. Swift seems to suggest that the impoverished Irish might ease their economic troubles by selling children as food for rich gentlemen and ladies).

So get yourself a nice mug of battery acid, and of my own writings, take what you like and leave the rest. But first, why the title of this blog?

When we were at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom about 12 years ago, my then-four-year-old daughter (now a 16-year-old headbanger) refused to ride the classic Disney adventure It’s a Small World. On this unbearably innocuous ride, little boats carry you about a track next to which dolls sing about how we all share the same feelings (hopes and fears, etc.). My daughter had refused to go on many of the rides in the park, and Small World was my last gasp effort to recoup some of our day.

Like the six-months’-pregnant Mother from Hell that I was, I tried everything, including yelling at and pulling on her, to get her on a boat. No dice. She wouldn’t go, and after I had sufficiently embarrassed both of us by making a small child cry at the Happiest Place on Earth, I gave it up.

But it’s impossible to have any contact with this ride and not think about the meaning, or at least the song that will never leave your head.. I believe it is indeed a small world, but the “small” part is the one about love and peace. Those truly exist in our world in small quantity. Also sensitivity towards young children, ahem. (But if we metalheads are anything, it’s sensitive, right?!) It’s a cynical world after all, folks -- a world where politicians seek to divide and conquer; where skin color, nationality, religion and political affiliation are ample reasons for hatred and murder.

Much of the time, we pretend to get along with others, but deep down, if you get into one of those little boats and travel through the dark, what lurks there, really? A worker comes to your house to install something. Nice fellow, hard worker, but deep down, if you two knew one another’s thoughts about social issues, you might go at each other hammer and tongs – or plumber’s auger and wrench.

I have thought about selling Disney on cynicism. I wonder how many families would line up to vacation in a park where the theme is bitterness and anger? I’ve even saved Disney the trouble of coming up with new rides. It’s a Cynical World, of course. The Angry-Go-Round. You’re-In-My-Space Mountain. Pirates of Wall Street. Taunted Mansion. Dumbo the Lying President. And, of course, the first thing you do when you get to the Tragic Kingdom, take a stroll down Pain Street.

In a sense, theme parks with those towering, terrifying roller coasters are more honest than sweet Disney (which does have a few scary rides) – the world is a towering and terrifying place. So do we visit theme parks to get away from everyday life, or to show ourselves that we can come out of a realistic, terrifying experience in one piece, and maybe the better for it? Which version is the less cynical?

I would be remiss if I did not also address music in this column. Is heavy metal music more honest than other forms of rock, particularly pop? Was its harshness born out of the direction the world has been taking? I believe it is more honest. Metal is to music as scary rides are to life in general. Real, hard and cynical.

But for Momfrhell, truth will out, and I have to admit that Disney is my all-time favorite vacation, even without the cynicism. We have to escape from reality when and however we can, because otherwise the world will take its toll on us. So perhaps pretending we all have much in common is a start – such pretense is better than no peace and love at all.

And since here at Cynical World Blog fantasy always takes a back seat to reality, I’ve managed to convince myself that Disney won’t go for bitter and angry. But if anyone else is interested, the concept is available -- for a modest fee. After all, I’m a cynic and a realist, folks.

©Naomi Godfrey 2008

Coming this Friday: Learn why it’s important to…"Scream All You Want."